Mike O'Pray Essay Feedback

Paragraph 1 – In your intro you should be showing awareness of the existence of conventions of Shakespearean comedy but without putting them into a big long list. As I’ve put in my notes to you, I strongly advise against forming an opinion one way or the other so early on in your essay. The whole idea of a piece of coursework such as this is that you weigh up evidence and argue you point, attempting to come to a conclusion BY THE END of the essay. Not before.

 

Paragraph 2 – You really need to clarify what you mean by ‘plant imagery’. You say it as if it is a well-known thing. The comparison between natural vocab such as ‘hedge/rose’, and the cruel diseased vocab such as ‘cancer’ is a juxtaposition. These can be used to create comedy if they are ludicrous enough. You should be supporting this point with more evidence and, as you have tried to do already, focus on individual words and techniques to show how and why comedy is created.

Paragraph 3 – You state at the start of this paragraph that people of the time ‘would be able to relate to DJ’s situation’. The point is that they would not. Shakespeare deliberately makes this character a Bastard as they know that many in the audience will automatically turn against him because of it. You need to back this up with evidence. Look at the things he says about himself and the things that other say about him. He is practically dehumanised. This means that, as an audience, we are not routing for him, and we do not sympathise with his cause. We focus on his actions and not him as a character. Shakespeare emphasises the use of DJ as a dramatic ‘ tool’ by getting rid of him (he runs off) once his job is done, so the audience do not have to deal with any sort of character based element at all.

However, there is a flip-side to this. Is it possible that, through his use of such negative language about himself, that Shakespeare is trying to get us to feel sorry for DJ? Is he making fun of audience prejudice? You could discuss this as well. Have a look a Superiority theory and try to make a point about this also. MORE EVIDENCE TO BACK UP YOUR POINTS PLEASE.

Paragraph 4 – More evidence needed again. Also, you’ve missed a word or two out (as indicated in my notes). Plus, your wording in this paragraph is untidy and needs work. You need to show me that you are proof reading your work. At the moment, it looks like you are not.

For the remainder of this essay, your stem points are fine, and often interesting. However, you simply are not providing enough evidence to argue you point convincingly, and I am worried that you are not carefully proof reading your work. Read all of the red notes please. Also, try to make a point about STRUCTURE.

*Look at DJ’s major speeches. Are they written in meter? Iambic pentameter? If they are, it elevates their importance and makes what he has to say look more significant. You could argue that this makes his evil more significant and, therefore, makes the play less comic (but you will need to exemplify). However, if he does not speak in meter, but those around him do, it makes what he has to say less significant, or makes him seem less educated (the stereotypical bastard).

Have a read through and see what points you could make here.

*Look at the key scenes for DJ. For example, look at how he is introduced to the play. What are his first lines? What impression do these give us of him? How about when he makes his evil plots…what scenes follow on? DO these scenes add to his evil, or make a mockery of him through low-brow comedy?