Mark Dunne Essay Feedback

Paragraph 1 – Far too basic. Talk a little bit about the play, why it is so controversial in terms of its comedy/tragedy elements, and what you are aiming to do (but without sounding like you are conducting a science experiment.)

 

Paragraph 2 – Do not state that t ‘uses conventions of Shakespearean comedy’. It is a Shakespearean comedy, so this goes without saying. The latter part of this paragraph comes across as extremely basic, and doesn’t sound right at all. By all means talk about SOME of the conventions of Shakespearean comedy with which you are familiar, but don’t just simply list them. Pick one or two which are prevalent in the genre and provide examples of where we see this. Refer to examples other than just in this play. This will make you seem far more knowledgeable.

 

Paragraph 3 – This paragraph needs a lot of work. Your basic point can be expanded into a decent paragraph, but you must be prepared to go right back to the text of the play and find more EVIDENCE to support what you are saying. So, you’ve decided that you’re going to comment on the re-unification of the characters. Firstly, start off by discussing how this struggle came about. The struggle is caused by many different factors and characters such as the confusion over Hero’s wooing, the misunderstandings on the part of Antonio, the evil plot by Don John and Boracchio etc. You could exemplify these to show your understanding of the play. However, all this aside, all of these factors have been put in place by Shakespeare himself who is the architect of the entire story. Look at the title of the play. Much ado about NOTHING. This is Shakespeare’s way of joking that there is actually very little to the story in this play. It is simply complicated by his use of various characters as plot tools, and various types and levels of confusion. You need to find LOTS of evidence to show how Shakespeare creates confusion, and then bring it back to your original point. The young lovers do encounter a struggle, and it is a struggle created by Shakespeare, which means that we cannot help but see this as a comedy as the playwright is playing with our understanding all the way through.

The next thing you need to mention is the fact that, as I’ve put in your notes, their reunification seems to take place despite all other social rules. Claudio SHAMES Hero, and he believes her so easily. This shows that people of the time cared very little for women and their place in society, otherwise Hero would have been treated far differently. Secondly, you might be forgiven for thinking that, today, Hero would simply tell Claudio to ‘get lost’ once he had shamed her at the altar. But she does not. Everybody encourages them to get back together. Maybe this is Shakespeare’s way of showing the lack of respect women had, but also poking fun at marriage and how fickle people can be, provided all the bad bits are ‘covered up’.

I’ve given you some great ideas of how to expand this. Put the work in and use LOTS of evidence please.

Paragraph 4 – Your point is OK, but you will need to find far more evidence (at least 2-3 examples) to argue your point successfully, and you’ll need to focus closely on the language used. Talk about the effect of specific words/phrases etc).

 

Paragraph 5 – Perhaps you need to link this to paragraph 4? You talk about what a ‘Jade’s trick’ means, but you don’t explain it yourself, so your paragraph totally loses its impact. You need to get rid of this, expand it massively, or link it to/make it part of another paragraph.

Paragraph 6 – A paragraph which needs LOTS of work. Firstly, it is not true that, nowadays, most genres have happy ending. Don’t put in things such as this which are simply made up to make your argument seem more convincing.

Secondly, you are right to focus on the happy ending, but you need to make much more original points, and back them up with evidence and sound explanations. Things you could include:

*The ending is made a happy one as, structurally; we see a successful wedding take place. This mirrors the unsuccessful wedding which took place earlier on in the play and gave the play a tragic feel.

*Don John, the hatcher of the evil plan, disappears so it is as though he is not a problem anymore. This makes the play more light-hearted.

*The real romance of Beatrice/Benedick is tied together. This, in the grand scheme of things, seems far more true and less fickle than the other relationship between Claudio and Hero.

However, it is not definitely so straight forward.

*Perhaps Shakespeare is laughing at the audience and how fickle they can be. There is nothing very romantic about this relationship when you think about it.

*Hero has to symbolically ‘die’ to lose the shame brought upon her by false accusations. What does this say about attitudes to women at the time?

Paragraph 7 – 2 lines….make this part of another paragraph or get rid.

Paragraph 8 – You must find other examples to support what you are saying. If you want to make your argument stronger, read up on Superiority Theory in humour and make a point about this in relation to this example of humour. How/why would the audience feel superior? How is comedy created?

Paragraph 9 – You make the point that Hero is not empathised with by the audience. You can draw this out to be a great point in itself. Look at Hero compared to Beatrice. They could not be more dissimilar. One (Hero) reflects the stereotype of what women would have been expected to be like at the time. Quite, unchallenging etc. Beatrice is the opposite. Added to this, Hero hardly talks compared to other characters. When she is first introduced, she is very quiet. When she is finally wooed by Claudio, she whispers in his ear. We are not given the luxury of getting to know her. Therefore, we do not feel a connection with her the same way we do with Beatrice. This links to another convention of Shakespearean Comedy – Emphasis on story rather than character.

You must find example for all of these and back them up with evidence to argue your point.

A lot of work to be done, Mark. The emphasis is on going right back to the drawing board and finding lots of evidence please.

Mike O'Pray Essay Feedback

Paragraph 1 – In your intro you should be showing awareness of the existence of conventions of Shakespearean comedy but without putting them into a big long list. As I’ve put in my notes to you, I strongly advise against forming an opinion one way or the other so early on in your essay. The whole idea of a piece of coursework such as this is that you weigh up evidence and argue you point, attempting to come to a conclusion BY THE END of the essay. Not before.

 

Paragraph 2 – You really need to clarify what you mean by ‘plant imagery’. You say it as if it is a well-known thing. The comparison between natural vocab such as ‘hedge/rose’, and the cruel diseased vocab such as ‘cancer’ is a juxtaposition. These can be used to create comedy if they are ludicrous enough. You should be supporting this point with more evidence and, as you have tried to do already, focus on individual words and techniques to show how and why comedy is created.

Paragraph 3 – You state at the start of this paragraph that people of the time ‘would be able to relate to DJ’s situation’. The point is that they would not. Shakespeare deliberately makes this character a Bastard as they know that many in the audience will automatically turn against him because of it. You need to back this up with evidence. Look at the things he says about himself and the things that other say about him. He is practically dehumanised. This means that, as an audience, we are not routing for him, and we do not sympathise with his cause. We focus on his actions and not him as a character. Shakespeare emphasises the use of DJ as a dramatic ‘ tool’ by getting rid of him (he runs off) once his job is done, so the audience do not have to deal with any sort of character based element at all.

However, there is a flip-side to this. Is it possible that, through his use of such negative language about himself, that Shakespeare is trying to get us to feel sorry for DJ? Is he making fun of audience prejudice? You could discuss this as well. Have a look a Superiority theory and try to make a point about this also. MORE EVIDENCE TO BACK UP YOUR POINTS PLEASE.

Paragraph 4 – More evidence needed again. Also, you’ve missed a word or two out (as indicated in my notes). Plus, your wording in this paragraph is untidy and needs work. You need to show me that you are proof reading your work. At the moment, it looks like you are not.

For the remainder of this essay, your stem points are fine, and often interesting. However, you simply are not providing enough evidence to argue you point convincingly, and I am worried that you are not carefully proof reading your work. Read all of the red notes please. Also, try to make a point about STRUCTURE.

*Look at DJ’s major speeches. Are they written in meter? Iambic pentameter? If they are, it elevates their importance and makes what he has to say look more significant. You could argue that this makes his evil more significant and, therefore, makes the play less comic (but you will need to exemplify). However, if he does not speak in meter, but those around him do, it makes what he has to say less significant, or makes him seem less educated (the stereotypical bastard).

Have a read through and see what points you could make here.

*Look at the key scenes for DJ. For example, look at how he is introduced to the play. What are his first lines? What impression do these give us of him? How about when he makes his evil plots…what scenes follow on? DO these scenes add to his evil, or make a mockery of him through low-brow comedy?

 

Melissa Perrin Essay Advice

Paragraph 1 – Check the wording of your essay to make sure that you paragraphs make perfect sense. Some of your sentences do not. Make the changes I have put in. Show me that you understand the play a little better. Don’t (as it says in my notes) make it sound like a science experiment. Write your intro as if the play is a really interesting piece of writing due to the fact that it really encourages debate over its comedic and tragic content. Then state what you are attempting to do (but in a less scientific way).

Paragraph 2 – The subject matter of this paragraph is absolutely fine, but you are not following the basic principles of putting paragraphs together which you have learned right the way through school. Where is your EVIDENCE for the argument you are putting forward? You are basically arguing that Don John is far too much of a ‘tragedy type’ character for him to sit comfortably in a comedy. Fair enough. But why?

*He would provoke a negative reaction from members of the audience due to the fact he is a ‘bastard’ – talk about social attitudes of the time.

*He is introduced in his first scene as a negative character. He is untrustworthy. Look at the things he says. He claims that he doesn’t talk much when in the presence of DP etc, but he actually talks LOTS when making his evil plans. You could discuss this.

*He almost causes the death of one of the more PURE characters, Hero. He plots her demise for no reason other than devilment. In this way, he is very similar to ‘Iago’, the villain from Othello. You could make this comparison.

Whatever point you decide to go with, it needs to be backed up with EVIDENCE – Multiple pieces if possible. Then, focus on the IMPORTANCE of your evidence, commenting on specific words etc if necessary. THIS IS WHAT GETS YOU YOUR MARKS.

 

Pragraph 3 – This has the makings of a really good paragraph. Follow the instructions which I put on your essay. Draw out the fact that Shakespeare is really trying to influence the audience here and play off their attitudes against one another. In modern times, this would be totally different, so you can compare audience reactions also. Shakespeare knows that the audience will immediately take against DJ due to the fact he is a bastard. You will need some evidence to back up the negative viewpoints held against people like him. Next, you need to look at the things DJ says about himself. You have started to do this, but there is more evidence you could use, so use it! He really is painted as a ‘pantomime villain’, with no endearing features whatsoever. So, expand on this a bit. How and why has Shakespeare done this (to make him more comedic. The way he insults himself almost takes away any element of character that we might get attached to, and helps him to fit more easily into the genre of comedy. Any character should have a balance of good/bad points. DJ appears to have no redeeming factors whatsoever.) Then, you could make the point – is Shakespeare actually satirising the audience by talking about their prejudices? Is he ahead of his time?

Paragraph 4 (beginning ‘Although on the other hand it could be argued…’)

As I have out in the notes on your essay, this is a great point but must be made stronger by including MORE EVIDENCE, and focussing MORE CLOSELY on the evidence (ie, specific words/phrases/reactions from audience etc).

 

Paragraph 5 – Talk about the significance of your first pieces of evidence. The fact that he lies about hearing an ‘oath’ almost makes him ultimately untrustworthy. Almost blasphemous.

For the rest of this paragraph, you need to add a little more depth to your argument. Firstly, you’ll need more evidence to prove your point about DJ. Find it, and put it in. However, as I’ve stated in my notes, you can turn this on its head. Yes, DJ has an evil streak, but don’t the plot twists surrounding him make the play more like a comedy play? If DJ and his cruel plot were not there, the storyline would be over in about half the time. Shakespeare uses DJ as a comedy tool in order to draw out the comic elements in the plot. You will need to back this up with evidence, but it will look good if you see the argument from different angles. Another point worth considering is, how guilty actually is DJ? Look at the scene where the PLOT is hatched. Who is it that actually comes up with the plot? Is it DJ, or is it mainly Borrachio? And yet, it is DJ who is notorious as the villain of the play. Does this reflect attitudes towards ‘bastards’ at the time? Discuss this and back it up with evidence.

 

Paragraph 6 – Talk more about the shame that would have been caused to Hero. Why? Talk about attitudes and how they have changed. Find a secondary source if possible to back up what you’re saying.

Then, find more evidence to back up what you’re saying and focus on it more closely.

 

Paragraphs 7 and 8 – These paragraphs may not be needed once you have added all that you need to. As I’ve said in my notes, I think you need to look at structure a little.

*Look at DJ’s major speeches. Are they written in meter? Iambic pentameter? If they are, it elevates their importance and makes what he has to say look more significant. You could argue that this makes his evil more significant and, therefore, makes the play less comic (but you will need to exemplify). However, if he does not speak in meter, but those around him do, it makes what he has to say less significant, or makes him seem less educated (the stereotypical bastard).

Have a read through and see what points you could make here.

*Look at the key scenes for DJ. For example, look at how he is introduced to the play. What are his first lines? What impression do these give us of him? How about when he makes his evil plots…what scenes follow on? DO these scenes add to his evil, or make a mockery of him through low-brow comedy?

This really isn’t bad Melly, but EVIDENCE is the key. Get loads in please!