Joe Garrett-Gallagher - Essay Feedback

Paragraph 1 – I think that your introduction needs work. Rather than dropping in the names of ‘conventions’, you should simply be outlining the fact that Shakespearean comedies tend to use conventions which are present in many plays of this genre. Don’t start to make points. You should be saving this for the main body of your essay.

Paragraph 2 (small one) – I’m not sure what the point of this little paragraph is. You’re not backing up your point with any kind of evidence. Also, you need to outline who the ‘low’ characters are.

Paragraph 3 – Your point in this paragraph is quite unclear. I’m not sure what exactly you mean in the later part of the paragraph. Proof read the paragraph and make sure that it makes perfect sense to you. If needs be, get someone at home to proof read it for you to make sure that it makes sense.

When you discuss Dogberry’s malapropisms, you need to use more evidence to support what you are saying, and try to make deeper, more original points. It is certainly worth discussing exactly how Shakespeare intended us to see these characters. You are right that social attitudes have changes greatly over time. I think it seems that you are suggesting that audiences would react in different ways to his intelligence. You need to make this argument clearer. Why would a modern audience laugh more at Dogberry?

Certainly is it possible that the audience might find themselves more disconnected from these characters due to the fact that they were not introduced until Act 3 of the play. Structurally, they did not appear in the ‘introductory’ scene of Act 1. Also, they would be seen as ‘authority’ figures in Elizabethan times, and an audience might have enjoyed them being ridiculed.

You also need to have the discussion about the nature of Dogberry’s malapropisms. If you read back over the scenes in which he features, you will find that many of the malapropisms mean the exact opposite of what he meant, making him seem even more ridiculous. This could also be said to be a deliberate act on the part of Shakespeare to add to the confusion and deception within the play (Linking to the title of the play)

Paragraph 4 – You’ve mentioned that Verges uses Egg-corns. These are not egg-corns. It could be argued that he is speaking in dialect which reflects a more working class background. This is an interesting discussion to bring out. This may result in the lower class members of the audience becoming more attached to this sort of character. Have a look online at the rise of estuary English. Mention this in an argument if possible. More evidence is needed to support this. Compare this type of language to that of the more upper class characters too.

Paragraph 5 – The annotations I have put next to this paragraph stand. Compare Borrachio and Don John’s language. Who is more powerful and significant? Does either speak more than the other? Does either seem to control the conversation? DO either speak in Iambic Pentameter? If you can possibly argue, using evidence, that Borrachio is more significant in these ways, then you are onto a really good point.

Then, you can really draw out an interesting point. You can begin to talk about social attitudes towards bastards at the time the play was written. It is arguable that Borrachio I just as much at fault for dreaming up the plan…if not more so. Yet, Don John gets most of the blame, and structurally, he disappears without having the chance to defend himself. Draw out this argument, and support with evidence.

Paragraph 6 – Too short

Paragraph 7 – You need to give other examples of other happy endings if you are going to mention that it is such a strong convention. In this paragraph, I think you should spend more time drawing out the argument that you have begun. Look at where Dogberry and the low characters appear in the play. Shakespeare expertly places their scenes so that they maintain the comedy element of the play.

*They appear in Act 3 scene 3 just after the plot is hatched (this scene comes exactly half way through the play so that a comedy scene can begin the second half)

*Dogberry appears just before everything goes horribly wrong at the wedding – just to reassure us.

Support this argument with evidence – give lots of credit to Shakespeare for making it this way!

Paragraph 8 – As indicated in the original annotations, you need to include more detail about how women’s place in society has changed. More evidence  to support Beatrice’s character too please!